Dedication

     
              My Daddy                        

I always knew how much he loved me. He told me so whenever we spoke. We always hugged. We kissed on the lips whenever we first saw each other, and when we parted.

What do I say about this great man, my teacher, my best friend, my hero, my dad?

It is impossible to speak of my father without also speaking of my mother, because they were as one.

It has been my privilege to have my dad, he has taught me many things, he taught me how to love by watching the way he loved my mom, a true love affair that has stood the test of time and span over forty years. He said many times that my mom was an angle, he could see her halo.  His buddy, his pal.

He taught me how to love my mom and him by the way he loved his mom and dad. Pop, his dad never afraid or embarrassed to kiss and hug no matter where you are, always respect and listen to him, he lived longer and has had more life experience, learn from him.  His love for his Mom was awesome he described my Gramaw as his goldmine and she truly is with or without a broom.

He taught me how to love my children, because of the way he loved me.  His love was unwavering, undying and knew no boundaries.  He taught me what it meant to be loyal.   He taught me about having a good work ethic and to remember people are depending on you.  He loved who I loved no matter who it was.  He taught me to be strong. There was never a time that I could not talk to him or that he would not offer advice (asked for or not). You may not have known my father but for those who did not have the privilege of knowing him you missed out on knowing a great man. He would always be right here for me no matter what.

My father was one of those hard working fathers that always got his way. His words were the law in our house. I used to fear him but I never thought he was already teaching me one of the most valuable lessons in life, standing up for what you believe in. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. As I grew older, I understood why he was like that. And I also discovered that he was a very compassionate and kind person. I learned that the most important thing that he had was us, his family. I was blessed to have a dad like him, he said it out loud all my life that he was really proud of the person I grew up to be. I am who I am now because I had a dad like him. I would only see that look that told me that I did something great, and seeing him like that made me feel like I owned the world.

To his friends he was a very kind person and was always ready to help. He always had a solution to every problem and had his ways of making things simple. He never asked anybody for help but he was a very generous man, and he never wanted to be acknowledged for anything he did. When he helped he simply helped. 

He was smart, but I cannot recall him ever reading a book. He just didn't have the inclination. And even if he did, he'd rather read people which he was very good at. His foolishness meter was quite evolved. He could pinpoint a fool at 30 paces.  My dad had more common since than any person I have ever known.

If I knew the last time that I held him was the last time, I would have held him and never let go. It's kept me awake nights, wondering as I lie in the dark, just asking why, I've always been told you won't be called home till it's your time.

I guess heaven was needing a hero somebody just like my dad.  Always stood up for what he believed in, always spoke his mind.  When I try to make it make sense in my mind the only conclusion I come to is that heaven needed a hero like him. I remember the last time I saw him, he held my hand, he’s such a part of who I am.  Now that part will just be void, No matter how much I need him now heaven needed him more, my hero, my dad.
 
I wish someone could tell me why, that with all the hope that I had in my heart why it was not enough.  This is truly the deepest wound in my life, that I could not help my dad, my angle, my love. Life may go on without him, but not the life I knew. He was slipping away, right before my eyes.  How useless I was, was a very painful surprise. 

I wish that things were different, But I am grateful for the time we had, this past year,  it has been amazing.  He meant the world to me, losing him is breaking my heart, but a part of him will be with me no matter where he is.

He showed such strength until the end. My father's last days were not easy. Always used to being in control, he found it hard to concede to the body's imperfection and the growing need to depend on others for support. Always a giver, now he had to receive. Always the one in charge, now he was the charge of my mom and myself.

That was hard for him. But in time, slowly... grunting and groaning... he began to find his way -- a new way, a softer way -- learning the kinds of lessons as he approached death that weren't always accessible to him in the prime of life.

No, my father was not perfect, but who in this world is?  Who?  He was, however, I am happy to say, perfectly himself... a warrior... a teacher... a man of integrity... and for that I am forever grateful.

If I could see my dad one more time, I would tell him that I love him, I will always miss you and that I am so proud of the dad and paw paw you grew up to be, and I will keep you  in my heart always.

Love Your T-Bird